You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
