that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
