I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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