If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
