Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How does one acquire holy water?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
