Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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