My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
