No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
