Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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