If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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