so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
