So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
