Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
