i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
