I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
