yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
