so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
