New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize