Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
