I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
