It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize