Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
