You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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