you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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