32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
