dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
