Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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