hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
