I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
