so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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