ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
