I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
