I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
