there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
