You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
