"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
