just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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