Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
