we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
