I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
