today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
