i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
3 2 1 whiskey
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
