I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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