wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
