she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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