get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
