I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
