We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
