If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you have to choose: penises or morals?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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