no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
